She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
