people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
