I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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