My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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