You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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