Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
