I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
