What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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