"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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