Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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