Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
