Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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