Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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