Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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