i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
