He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
