tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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