I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
