He disabled his match.com account in front of me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
