Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
