I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
