He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
