i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
