I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
