this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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