Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
