i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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