I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
