He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry about my life...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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