Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
