told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
