Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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