I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
