I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just threw up on my dentist
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
