i already hear my dad disowning me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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