Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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