Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
