Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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