you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
