Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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