we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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