I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
