he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
