I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
