what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
