Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
