Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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