I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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