Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
