come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
