Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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