Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
