I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
